cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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