either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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