Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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