i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
meet me or not, i'm out of control
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
