I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
