Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
