My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
