i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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