My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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