I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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