I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
