I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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