vagina is talking i cant
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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