it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
