don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
