I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
