i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
