so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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