the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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