your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
