does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
