Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
