You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
