I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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