one might say we're banned from that church
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize