im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize