I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
