Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
