Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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