I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize