i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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