So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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