well you can't waste a boner
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
