We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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