What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
