Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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