And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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