I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
