I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I want a musical about memes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
