Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
