my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
