I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
