I wish you could order shots online.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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