sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
