my room smells like sperm. sweet.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
