FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
