Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize