Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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