i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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