So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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