And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
