smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
