butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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