apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
