Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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