You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
