It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
