So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize