I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
