He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
