$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
