I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
