I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
