tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
